My dear friends and neighbors have a dog, Duncan.
When they were packing up to move last spring, I took Duncan for the day.
You see, Duncan gets “flat,” as they call it, when move prep is happening.
So I brought him over to my place for a bit — just to give him a break from the bustle.
(For context: my friends, like me, migrate twice a year between two homes. So they know the pattern — and Duncan’s response.)
Last year, I thought: “Huh, Duncan’s really feeling this.”
This year, I realized: “Wow. Same, buddy. Same.” I am Duncan.
In fact, I’ve yet to meet someone who isn’t Duncan when their world is being shaken up.
We don’t all react the same way.
Some of us — like Duncan — shut down.
Others get overly activated. (OMG I'm her hahahaha.)
But we all feel something when routines are disrupted.
That disruption isn’t just emotional. It’s physiological. (If you're curious, I've linked two great explainers here and here.)
And what’s true in a bi-annual relocation is just as true in life’s bigger liminal moments — when we’re between what was and what’s next.
The good news is, there are lots of tools for this. One of my favorites comes from the field of somatics — which looks at how experiences live in the body.
There's a simple tool that can shift how we navigate transitions: Uncoupling the experience.
This means noticing when we’ve fused two things together that don’t have to be.
For example: “A move = stress.”
Is that always true? Or just historically linked?
Uncoupling lets you ask: What’s actually here now?
Uncoupling is realizing that your coat is snagged on a thornbush — before jumping to the conclusion that the bush is out to get you.
Sometimes, the snag is just a snag. But if you don’t notice it, you end up fighting the entire environment instead of simply unhooking it.
I’ve led others through transitions for years. This year, with uncoupling in mind, I’m refining my own approach:
Treating acute transition as a skill. One that can be designed.
What does this have to do with leadership?
Everything.
You don’t need to be moving homes to feel unmoored — and neither does your team.
Any threshold moment — a reorg, a product launch, a strategic pivot, a leadership change — can scramble people’s internal rhythms.
And most organizations respond by trying to perform through it.
Rally. Push forward.
But if the track your team is on is tangled in old assumptions like:
- “Reorg = chaos”
- “Layoff = failure”
- “Change = burnout”
...then they’re not just navigating a shift — they’re hauling old stories behind them.
This is where uncoupling becomes a leadership tool.
It lets you help others pause and ask:
What’s actually happening now?
Because often, the most powerful thing a leader can do in a moment of transition is help their team untangle the story before it sets in as fact.
Want to try this approach yourself?
I'm betting you’ve got a vacation coming up. Vacation is a perfect place to practice — low stakes, high insight. Here’s your 3-part experiment:
1. Spot what’s overcoupled.
What have you unconsciously linked together?
Vacation prep = chaos? OOO = a mountain on your return?
Notice the script. See if you can unhook the coat from the thornbush.
2. Choose a mantra.
What’s your new truth? One line to remind your system what you believe now.
Mine this week? “Migrations are magic.”
Yours might be: "Vacations are a chance to trust the team." Or "Packing is a family game."
3. Pick a magic hat trick.
Overcouplings tend to surface in your nervous system before your inbox. Thinking won’t unlock them — movement does.
Shift your body’s state, and suddenly everything feels more doable.
So, pick a simple, biological trick to shake things loose.
What brings your body back to center — fast?
Mine this week? A dance party to some sing-along songs on the beach.
Yours might be: A “Friday pre-vacation wrap” virtual team walk — if it's not important enough to talk about while you walk, it can wait 'til you're back.
Try this and let me know how it goes.
Better yet, practice with a friend.
Send this to your travel partner or a trusted colleague and try it together.
As Duncan’s mom said: he’s just embodying what we’re all feeling.
And while we may not have a Duncan to signal what’s happening, we all have stories we can rewrite — and a body that can help us do it.
So: what’s your version of a dance party on the beach — or the shared reset your team could really use right now?
Need support leading your team through change — or moving through one yourself? That’s my jam (pun intended).
